By Dina Aldabbagh

There was an arch that you could walk under when crossing over from my college town’s downtown into campus. It was this beautiful, gothic, understated archway that was just a little portal into the collegiate atmosphere of our school’s quad. People sometimes took pictures there, but it wasn’t like the biggest deal on campus. My university was one of the most beautiful campuses in America. If you ask me, I’m saying #1 — but indisputably, it is one of the most beautiful. There were countless dreamy picture spots as well as numerous icons of the school that everyone knew us by. But with this particular arch, I never felt like it got as much attention from the general pop as I had on it. And it had my eye and my heart for one specific reason: engraved above the arch was “Wise Shall Be the Bearers of Light.”

All my four years there, I loved this quote. I kind of always understood it, but with my personal development, my understanding of the quote deepened. And now I understand it in a more somatic way. 

Those who are wise — who inhabit a higher state of consciousness — will bring light to the world. Those with more understanding will bring more God to the world. More goodness. More light. 

When I think of what the purpose of God is, I don’t think it’s to make anyone more perfect. We aren’t perfect, we’re human. When I think of what it means to be close to God, it doesn’t mean just going to church once a week or praying several times a day. To be close to God is to embody God. The goal of God is to make you more Godly. 

And what does that mean? To be understanding, compassionate, and merciful. These are the keys I find in being Godly. 

So the more understanding one has — aka the “wiser” they are — the more they are able to bring light to others. The more they are able to see the struggles of others for what they are and not what they represent themselves to be. That is to say, we often don’t represent our struggles honestly — we cover them up. Someone who screams is crying for help. Someone who tries to control others feels constantly on the edge of losing their grip on life entirely. Someone who tries to force things feels all the pressure to make things happen. Someone who tries to rush feels immense instability. Someone who blames feels shame. Someone who takes things personally feels exposed. So when these behaviors pop up in someone, we say, “Wow, they’re acting crazy…” because we often judge based on the manifestation of the disease — the symptom — not the cause of the pain in the body. 

When you can see someone’s struggles, and understand what that really means about them, you stop judging. You stop saying, “you’re bad,” and you start saying, “you’re hurting.” And it may not be your responsibility or your place or your desire to help that person, but you can do them one beautiful favor and not make it worse. You can witness someone’s tantrum and say, “I’m not going to judge you for this because actually… that’s not going to help you or me. I don’t benefit from looking down on you, and that’s really the last thing you need. So I’ll stay neutral.” 

Ultimately, you don’t benefit from looking down on somebody, shaming them, or hating them — you benefit from changed behavior. That’s what you’re seeking when you shame somebody — you want them to change their behavior. So when you can look at someone honestly and see that they are hurting so badly that they simply don’t have the capacity to act in the way that you prefer right now, you stop judging them. You just neutrally observe their limits and allow them to undergo their own process for dealing with it. 

The Three Horsemen of The Breakthrough

That’s the first step: the understanding. The ability to see through someone — to have eyes that see with clarity and honesty. When you look at someone with understanding, you are also suddenly relieved. You don’t carry the weight of a personal offense — you understand that their pain actually has nothing to do with you. And when you don’t act from defensiveness, but clarity, then you can actually arrive at a place that is more loving for you and the other person. Your clarity on what is actually going on allows you to find a solution that can actually alleviate the tension. That is the power of understanding. 

I think it can be misconstrued that being an understanding person equates to being a doormat, but that’s not true. That assumes the position of weakness. But being understanding signifies that you are already in the position of power. You have the capacity to see what’s really going on. You have the power to actually effect change. And you have the strength to give without becoming smaller. You see, when you are the one giving, it doesn’t mean you are losing, it means you have enough. Extra, even. That person who wants to take so badly isn’t trying to take because they’re greedy, but because they’re lacking. You, who feels the urge to give, can do so only because you already have plenty. 

Being understanding is, in effect, the equivalent of being of a higher state of awareness. You can see things. You can understand. Those who are rigid and lack understanding only are so because they don’t have the capacity to see more. Their perspective is limited. So for you to be an understanding person means that you are already in the position of power. 

What an unfortunate life it is to only see in black and white, right? To believe that things must go either this way or that way, and there is no flexibility. Things that are rigid…break. But if you can see the nuance, you can become fluid, and see the little crevices in which you can place yourself to get through a situation. That’s a strength. In this state of being, you can always find a solution. Which means nothing can stop you. That there is no monster too big for you because you always see a way. Because you understand. 

That is wisdom. 

Then there’s the compassion. Compassion truly does come after understanding. It is the part of you who says, “Let’s make this better.” And sometimes “making it better” for someone just means not making it worse. Sometimes it just means not punishing someone for not being their best self. Sometimes it just means staying neutral in the face of the unpreferred. 

One thing I realized is how not far off we are from children. We may grow into the bodies of adults and get big-boy jobs and make some kinda important life decisions, but our nervous systems are very much that of children’s. And when you can look at someone with clarity and see their cry for help, it’s so hard to hate them. When you realize they’re not actually acting much different than a child who’s still learning, you just feel compassion. 

Compassion is the part of you that brings light to others — love to others. It is the part of you that loves in the way you wish to be loved. It is Godly. It is you embodying God and deciding to bless someone else in the way you would want to be blessed. It’s looking at an imperfect person and saying, “That’s okay. I won’t punish you for not being more.” It’s looking at a disappointing action and saying, “That’s okay. I won’t hold onto this as a grudge.” It’s looking at someone’s cry for help to get a need met and saying, “Even though it asks something of me, I’ll show up for you.” Compassion is the vehicle in which light gets to people. 

Finally, there’s mercy. Mercy is being a safe space for someone. Mercy is forgiveness. Mercy is allowing a baby to cry in your arms even when you know that everything is actually, logically fine, but their nervous system doesn’t know that yet so you’re allowing the moment to teach them. Mercy is not punishing the baby’s need for reassurance and soothing. Mercy is not punishing someone for meeting their upper limits and acting below the level of conduct that you both probably wish for them.

Mercy is not letting go of standards or boundaries, but it is meeting people where they’re at. It’s deciding to forgive even when someone doesn’t treat you in the way you deserve. Not because you’re weak, but because you don’t need them to be the one who treats you the way that you deserve. Mercy is a signal of power, not the absence of it. If you can extend mercy to someone, it’s because you’re not depending on them to fulfill all of your needs. Those who cannot extend mercy are the ones who are barely holding on. They may give the impression of being tough from the outside, but they are the ones most at jeopardy. They have the most riding on a given situation. They have the most to lose. 

When you can give people mercy, it’s because you’re already good. You’re already taken care of. Your sense of “goodness” did not, does not, and will not depend on them behaving in a certain way. So you can hand it out, just because it feels good to do so. Just because it alleviates you. 

Ultimately, when you see people for being works in progress, you understand the vast goodness there is to be found in the world. You understand that at a fundamental level, people want to be good. Yes, we all have our own understandings of what that means and sometimes those can be so skewed that it actually has the opposite effect — this is true. But it’s not your job to “fix” anybody or bring them into wisdom, it’s just to be a source of love. Act out of love, and you won’t even understand the ripple effect that has on people’s lives.

It can be very shocking to hear from others years later how one small thing you did or a certain attitude you had impacted them. But I think of my own experience, and remember the small, loving ways others have acted towards me, or simply showed up as themselves, that had the greatest ripple effects on my life. Small ways that reminded me how I love to be loved, how even the most unassuming people can care for me, and what it looks like to be a source of love. 

Wise shall be the bearer of light — of lightheartedness — of the embodiment of God — in quiet moments that no one else witnessed. 

Lesson Learned

I recently felt a certain wave of pressure for urgency. Internally, I was having a bit of a tantrum about something. Nothing that anyone could give me — just a general, existential kind of delivery. I felt that pain of “Ugh, why can’t what I want and what I believe is right happen when I want it?” It hurt to be in that place; I hated feeling it. I also knew I couldn’t really do anything about it, and just accepted it was one of those moments of life dissatisfaction we all run into here and there. 

In the meantime, my brother and I needed to transport some drinks from our other brother’s house to ours. I wasn’t stressed about it because I just knew there was honestly no rush. That one way or another, those drinks were in the family, able to be used whenever, and they’d mosey on over to our house in time. My brother asked me to do the transport on a specific day and time, and I agreed. That day came and some new plans were made that I wanted to go to. I asked my brother if he’d mind if we did it later so I could partake in these plans, and he said he preferred that we just get it over with. Cool. I understood. I agreed to carry out the original plan. 

As I was picking up the drinks from my brother’s house, the people there asked me why I wasn’t going to stay for the plans and I explained that I agreed to transport these drinks at this time. They were trying to convince me and then I said something that surprised even me, “It’s okay. Sometimes a guy has just gotta feel like something can happen when he wants it to.” And that was the understanding end of that conversation.

I stunned myself with that comment, honestly. It wasn’t born out of intention — out of a place of “wanting to be a good person” — but because I understood. Although there wasn’t actually a logical urgency for the drinks to be brought over at that moment, I honored my brother’s feelings that made him feel a need for the task to get done with. I was also in a moment of my life where I felt a desire for something to happen on my time and it just wasn’t — and I recognized that in my brother. While I couldn’t do anything about my situation, I could help my brother’s. So that’s what I did. 

And then I realized, that’s wisdom…in action. I had an understanding of what he was going through, and I felt compassion for his emotional experience. Because I knew what it felt like. And because of that, I acted in the way that I was wishing God would act for me. 

My clarity and my understanding showed up as the wisdom here that even when things don’t technically need to happen a certain way for them to be okay, sometimes the most loving thing to do is to just grace someone with the emotional release that they seek. Even in something as simple as not wanting to have another task on their to-do list, and wanting to take care of it sooner rather than later. 

I share this story because the simplest of moments in my life taught me something: to love people is not to love them in the abstract sense of the word, but in the real, mundane, insignificant situations of our lives. It is to extend kindness out solely to help ease someone’s experience, not because the act itself is crucial. It is to be for someone the experience you wish to feel for yourself. It is to give and to grace. And it happens naturally when you realize all we ever want to feel…is good. 

Fin

So now I have a deeper understanding of “Wise Shall Be the Bearers of Light.” When you can embody God — that is to say, be for others what you wish to receive for yourself — then you bring Godliness into the world. You show up with love. You make spaces loving. Relationships, too. And it all comes from a place of understanding, and compassion in action. 

And here’s the caveat to all of this — we are often sold the idea that being understanding, compassionate, merciful, and flexible makes you weaker. That somehow because you are these things, you are going to get taken advantage of. But how can that be true? If God is all powerful, and God is these things…then that, effectively, gives you a power that is God-like. You must remember that to be able to even perform understanding, compassion, and mercy in the first place, you must already be standing in an advantaged position. You are already standing in a place that can help lift people up…because you are already up there. 

And that’s why those who are wise bear light onto the world — because they effect change from a higher state of being. They love others from a higher state of being. They quite literally lighten the load — the pain, the tension, the intensity — of other people’s experiences. They make things lighter because they have lightheartedness. 

So do you see? When you are wise — that is, operating from a higher level of thinking — you are able to bless others in a way that is Godly.