By Dina Aldabbagh

There’s an episode in the show Modern Family (2009) —  “In Your Head” — that I think of often in regards to “saving” the best for later. Oftentimes, we hold onto good things for a later date that we deem more valuable than the current moment. We think this imaginary future moment is more deserving of this good thing than the present day that we are currently living. When I recognize this belief coming up, I think of this scene.

In this episode, the married couple, Mitchell and Cam, have a houseguest, Max, that they met on their travels abroad. The morning after a night staying with them, the couple stumbled into the living room to see their $400 bottle of wine opened by Max and they quietly freaked out (insane to do without permission, but that’s besides the point). “We were saving this for the perfect occasion!” they exclaimed. Cam admitted that he only ever even considered opening that bottle of wine twice. Then the couple got called into the kitchen where Max was making breakfast to find their $200 tin of caviar being used. They freaked out, and Cam said they were keeping it in the back of the fridge for “a special occasion.”

When Mitchell got angry, he told Max, “We were saving those,” to which Max replied, “For what?” “A celebration,” Cam said. Max told the couple, “Guys, don’t defer enjoyment. You never know when you’re going to bite it. I say make every night special.”

While they ate the meal of leftover high end wine and topnotch caviar prepared for them, Mitchell said, “I cannot believe I’m having one of the best meals of my life, and we’re not even celebrating anything.” This prompted them to consider how they actually do defer enjoyment, and Mitchell sprung into action to light their monogrammed wedding candle, to which Cam said, “No! We’re supposed to save it.” Mitchell then asked, “For what, Cam?” “I don’t know,” was his response. 

I ask, in every situation where I feel an urge to “save” something for later, “What are you saving the good candles for?” Why are you postponing wearing that good workout set to the gym? Why do we eat the best part of the meal last? Why do we postpone our desire for enjoyment when it’s not actually benefiting us? It’s one thing to practice delayed gratification and it’s another to postpone joy because we’re living for the future. 

Do you ever find yourself wanting to wear a specific outfit, but deciding to save it for later since you don´t believe that the day´s occasion is worthy of such an outfit? I’m sure you have. I think this is one that we´re all guilty of. You think, “Oh, but I should use it for this upcoming event” — something maybe months away. More recently, when I found myself doing this, I’ve said something to myself, “You could die tomorrow.” As morbid as that sounds, and as much as I don’t claim that, we really don’t know. We hope we will get tomorrow, we believe we will, but we don’t know. What if today is your only chance to ever wear that outfit?

Say you try on an outfit, but you just don’t think today’s events are worthy of its greatness, and you want to save it for something special — a bigger social event, a trip. Well, who’s to say you’d even still want to wear that outfit by that point? Your taste in fashion may change by the time you even get an opportunity that lives up to your standards. Or your body may change. Or you may misplace that shirt, and never find it again. 

It was Saturday morning and my friend and I were supposed to go grab coffee at 9:30. We were planning to go walk through a neighborhood nearby and discover a cute coffee shop — very spur-of-the-moment like. She texted me at 8:15 am asking to reschedule. Of course, I said yes and didn’t mind the change of plans. A past version of me would have, because to that past version, she would’ve seen it as someone taking away the opportunity to go experience the world around her, to do her makeup, and to get dressed up. She would have seen it as something outside of her taking away her opportunity to treat the day as special. This version didn’t have such an experience. I was still carrying out the plan, just with myself. I didn’t ask anyone else to join, because I wasn’t looking for permission to go have this experience. I wasn’t allowing having someone to do the things with be a condition for considering the day a worthy one. I knew that although I would be going alone, I still wanted to get ready, dress up, and make an event out of it. I had a beautiful Saturday, and I wore a very fun outfit. 

Although I was alone and didn’t have any “real” plans, I knew, “Today is the only day I have.” I wanted a reason to dress up, and what better reason is there than being ALIVE? I may not have social plans for another week, maybe two. Will I wait until then to do what I really want to do? Which is play dress up and make the day special. Will I wait for other people to give me a reason to do what I want to do? No. I will take that power into my own hands. “This outfit is not wasted,” I knew. Being alive, being me, is reason enough. You being there is what makes the experience special. You don’t need permission from the world to enjoy the good wine. It can just be a random Tuesday. 

Maybe you don’t want to wear the good outfit because you think that outfit is deserving of a more worthy occasion — but let me tell you, you are the occasion. And if you wait, you may never find a better one. You may think that when those plans finally come up, you won’t have something to wear that you deem special enough, and when that time comes, you want it to be really, truly special. But again, let me tell me, it’s actually an if, not a when. I think this is a very common mindset; we want to be prepared. We want to be so ready for the future that when it comes, we can take it by its horns and be in charge! But…this is the future. At least to you yesterday. Yesterday was the future to the you of last week. You actually only ever live one day at a time, and it’s always today. 

I would challenge you to this: when that future arrives, you will be equipped to handle it. My best outfits were birthed out of needing to find a new, unique way to style things I’ve already worn. That Saturday, I thought to myself, “Yes, I wore this outfit now, so I wouldn’t want to rewear the same exact thing very soon. That’s just fine. Because now my creativity is forced to think of something new. Next time, I’ll do something new, something expansive. I’ll keep having fun with my outfits. But that only gets to keep happening if I choose to do it right now. And I do. Because I want to, and this day is the only chance I’ll ever have.” The day I’m in is the only opportunity I’ll ever have. 

I didn’t have a social interaction with anyone else that day, but the outfit was still not wasted. Remember, I was there. Who better to dress up for than myself? Who is more worthy of my best self than me? There may never be another reason, or, a better reason, to enjoy the thing you want to enjoy than…you. You may just always be the best reason to wear the good outfit, to drink the good wine, and to burn the special candles that you’ll ever have. And actually, I don’t think anyone else will ever be a better reason to do it but you. You engage in what you like to do simply because you like it, and you deserve to live the life that you like. If you’re a wine lover, drink the wine. Enjoy it now. Pardon the bluntness, but what if you die tomorrow? You DON’T KNOW. You don’t know. 

This is not meant to scare you, or to advise you to not act prudently, but to give you perspective to treat today as special. It is special — just because you’re here. Don’t confuse this blogpost to be a recommendation for you to act in ways that work against your long term goals just because YOLO, but instead to realize that this present moment — this present day — is just as important and worthy of the “best” thing as any other day. 

We can hope for and work towards better, but we don’t actually know if we’ll ever feel more worthy than we do right now. There’s no future reality that we can say for certain we’ll have and be able to confirm with 100% certainty right now that it’ll make us feel any better or more fulfilled than we do today. I just have today, and I’m committed to experiencing it. 

The permission that you look for to just enjoy life and take advantage of the “special” thing you’re holding onto for later may never come from something outside of you — that’s just something you’re going to have to decide to give to yourself.

I consider this an important mindset to have in order to live a healthy life because, while part of life’s fulfillment comes from working towards things, the other part comes from being here. The significance of true presence in life is realized with the idea that always living for a future is not the point of pursuing better. There’s a balance we need to find between seeking more and enjoying what we currently have. Otherwise, you’re stuck in this cycle of working towards a better future, never a better now. Start allowing yourself to enjoy the present for what it is — to the fullest extent that it allows you to — and you’ll cut the cord of anxiety that constantly pulls you into the future. 

We are not meant to live in a perpetual state of anxiety, and doing one thing alone will not alleviate you of it completely, but starting by enjoying the present is a good start.