By Dina Aldabbagh

I’ve long thought about how the best way to be is to be natural. That doesn’t mean that you just resign all effort and submit to whatever previous identity you had or were raised under. It does mean, however, that you need to make the person who you want to be feel as effortless as possible. 

There’s a concept in architecture of passive versus active systems. Active systems are tools used for a very specific purpose that require energy to function — something like an AC unit used to reduce the heat in a given dwelling. Passive systems, on the other hand, are much more thought out in the planning phases, yet long term cost you infinitely less. Imagine constructing a specific shape of a roof based on where the sun hits throughout the year in a given country to have the effect of shading the interior and limiting heat gain. This obviously requires much more research on the front end and a deeper understanding on how  the form you create will affect the light and radiation that comes through, and therefore the heat. 

So imagine that: in one unit, you create a very normal shape of the roof and place the windows where it seems convenient at that moment, therefore prompting you — for the entire life of that construction — to have to employ AC constantly to reduce the sensation of heat. That’s a lot of energy expended over the years to come. However in this other unit — with a unique shape based on how the sun moves in that location — you don’t have to use AC because the roof provides shading in the right spots for the specific positions of the sun, thereby reducing the heat gain. In the active system unit, you’re using AC to combat the problem of the heat gained from the sun. In the passive unit, you’re avoiding heat gain altogether, eliminating the need for remedial measures. 

This, to me, is all the difference between being natural and constantly exerting effort. It has nothing to do with not getting to a specific end goal. You can still have everything you want, but if you install all the proper systems in your life, it doesn’t require effort — it becomes natural — a natural consequence of the given structure. The system becomes invisible and essentially functions on its own. So a passive system doesn’t mean you lose out of the result you seek, it just means you get the effects without exerting energy.

For example, let’s say you’re 100 lbs overweight. You can lose the weight no problem. You can count your calories, weigh your food, have a very regimented exercise and diet plan, and you’ll lose the weight. But what about maintaining the new weight? These measures are absolutely useful in a short term regard. As human beings, we often need to see some rapidness in the progression of our results in order to feel motivated to continue on — so there’s no shame in that. But a part of the construction of your new identity of ‘100 lbs down person’ is to create the passive systems that will allow you to maintain that new weight without constant exerted effort.

Maybe you’re a David Goggins type of personality and for the rest of your life, you can brute force your way through everything — but I don’t think that’s realistic in terms of sustainability. That’s too much energy you need to constantly exert in order to have the result you want. If you think that for the rest of your life you will log your calories, proteins, fats, and carbs into MyFitness pal for every single meal without faltering, I urge you to ask yourself honestly: Am I actually willing to do that?” Personally, I think that life is too ever-changing to be able to stick to something like that. That’s way too much energy needed; it needs to be easier in order to succeed and have longevity. 

We always fall back onto our habits. And “habits” are really just a substantive way to describe our invisible systems. Every morning, without even thinking about it or realizing it, you probably apply your face cream in the same exact way. You probably go through the same steps of your morning routine in the same order, every day. And if you change something, you’ll often notice, you feel a little lost for just a split of a second. Until you remember again: “Ah yes, that’s my usual next step.” I do too. We all do. That’s human beings for you. Things simply must be easy enough for us to be able to do it hundreds to thousands of times. Therefore, we make systems — things that take the effort of thought and choice out of the equation.

Things need to be easy in order for us to be consistent with them. Your gym shoes need to be by the door and not in the closet for it to be easy for you to leave the house in the morning for a run. You need to have your healthy lunch packed so it’s easy to eat that over the Portillo’s down the street from your work. You need to have the nice clothes prepared so you don’t end up just choosing a t-shirt and sweats in the morning. Choice is an exertion of energy — especially because in the moment is the hardest time to make it. Your energy is already low, you want the easiest thing. You want the dopamine hit choice, not the delayed gratification choice. You want a boost, not a “wait till later.” Our systems are what allow us to avoid the constant exertion of energy that is choice. Your will cannot be that strong forever. At some point, if it doesn’t have the proper foundation to support it in standing up, that identity will fall. 

The identity that takes constant strenuous effort will fail. Hear that. Being natural is not being a slob or being lazy, it’s the simulation of effortlessness. 

You can still have everything you want, you just have to install the passive systems necessary for the choice to become invisible and the identity to be fully embodied. And yes, this takes more thoughtfulness — in the beginning. Once you figure out the solution, once you crack it, that’s it. The result is effortlessness. Thoughtlessness. Ignorance. You just behave in accordance with the system that’s already set up. The system works itself. The shape of the system performs the purpose, delivering an effect without even realizing — because you don’t feel the cost. 

This applies to all facets of our identity — including our emotional reactions. Having awareness of our reactions is crucial so that we can have our chosen responses on deck to create the kind of person we want to be. “When this happens, I do this.” “When they do X, I do Z.” You think about it, set it up, and then when these things inevitably happen, it’s not even a choice. You already know what your move is and you know that move brings you closer to the reality and identity you want. 

The process of creating a passive system is much more front-heavy. You have to put in a lot of work to think through things, understand the sort of root cause or trigger, notice your patterns, and figure out in complete clarity what kind of person you want to be. You have to see a vision of this person and also understand their habits, thought patterns, and self-talk. 

Passive systems absolutely require a higher level of awareness and thought, as well as the intentional training of yourself to be a different kind of person. You have to push through a lot more discomfort in the beginning because you’re going deep — it’s not just cutting a stem, it’s pulling a weed up and out, and planting something new. Instead of weighing out your food and counting calories for the rest of your life, you work through your thought process on how you approach eating, and create an entirely new philosophy to live by. A lot more work in the beginning — yes, but it also allows you to coast from there. If you develop a life philosophy, then you are changed at the core — you don’t need active choices and effort to be something. You simply live by your philosophy. 

This is the renewing of your mind the Bible talks about. You have to change yourself at the atomic level — your habits, your neural pathways, your compulsions — in order to truly become a new person and live a new life. Performance can only last so long, and the secret is: it’s only supposed to last so long. The act of performance — of uncomfortable action — is only meant to be a transitory phase when you’re becoming something new. The systems you use in the transitory phase are not meant to be your forever structure, they’re meant to train you into that structure. 

You weigh your food for a season in life — when you’re training yourself to understand nutrition. You track your habits temporarily, until they become engrained. You follow a rigid regime, until it feels like the natural next step. You’re not meant to track your habits forever or constantly have yourself under surveillance. We often get so caught up in what we learned in the learning phase that we forget that it was quite literally just a means to an end. Tracking habits was only ever done to support you in forming the habits. Once you can do the desired habits without tracking them, there you go — the tracking’s job is done. However, people think that in order to maintain, they’re supposed to do exactly what got them there forever. Not necessarily. A 500 calorie daily deficit is not a forever structure, it was always meant to be temporary.

I loved my undergraduate alma mater. That school was the most beautiful place I had ever lived and ever loved up until that point in my life. I was very sad to leave — I can’t overstate that. Honestly — I sobbed everyday for a month before leaving. And that was because of leaving the actual place, not just leaving all my friends and social circles. But although I was so sad to leave, there was a voice in me that spoke very clearly, although in a whisper, and said to me: “This was always meant to be temporary.”

I loved that place and that campus so much because it was a real safe space for me — I grew there exponentially and I felt safe while becoming more of myself. But ultimately, that safe space was just meant for a season of my life. I wasn’t meant to live in Columbia, Missouri forever. So when I was leaving, it was very clear to me, “Dina, you were always meant to come here for four years, and then leave.” I wasn’t confused about that when I came in. That was always the intention. Just because I loved that place so much for becoming the first place of my becoming didn’t mean that it wasn’t meant to be temporary. 

Wisdom, I think, is differentiating nuances and maintaining balance. It’s wise to know the time for something to be, and the time for something to end. It feels very scary when we’re leaving behind the things that were crucial in our becoming, but remember: they were always meant to end. Those systems, those reliances, those places, those people, those coping mechanisms, those teachers — they were always meant to end. They were always meant to serve a purpose for you, and then end — so that something else could begin. Something else was always supposed to begin. 

In that month before leaving Columbia, in the midst of my sadness I asked myself, “Would I want to stay here? If I’m this sad, it’s a thought to be had, surely.” But my answer was immediate: “No. Being here up until this point was life changing, but if I stay here past the point of the purpose ending (college), then this place will limit me. It will limit my growth.” The place I loved so much — the first life-changing experience and biggest blessing of my life until that point — would have become something else if I had stayed past its expiration point. I would’ve begun to resent it. It wouldn’t have been sweet anymore, because it would have no longer been additive to my life and my growth. It would’ve hindered my future development to stay there. 

So I left. And it was hard. And the truth is, I didn’t feel at home in the next place I was at — which was funnily enough where I grew up. My home for 18 years no longer felt like home. It soon became very clear to me that I had to leave, so I made my plans and moved to Madrid, Spain. And once again, I found a new place that since then has been perhaps the most formative place of my life. The point is: you have to know when things need to end. If you hold onto things past their expiration date, they start to smell, attract fruit flies, and the flies buzz into your ear at 5 in the morning, waking you up.

Everything is a tool — until a certain extent. Then it becomes your limit. Even ego is a tool to a certain extent. Sadness, anger, jealousy — hell, even the worst of the worst coping mechanisms are tools. Sometimes, we need these things momentarily during a transition. Maybe that be to train us, maybe to help us just cope, but regardless of what it is, the issue is not in engaging with the thing itself, it’s not knowing when to let go. 

Wisdom is knowing when to let go of the things that once helped you, and realizing that at the level you’re at now, continuing to engage with them would be to hold you back. We must know when we’ve graduated from something. It’s okay if something was your coping mechanism or your training manual in your last season, but in this season, you’re ready for something new. In this season, you need to let that go and learn how to make it natural. 

Those old systems served their purpose, let them go. The active systems that you built to construct your life, your identity, and your self-protective mechanisms require a lot of energy, and as such, were always meant to be temporary. Be wise enough to recognize when the moment has come to install the passive system.

Rigidity is meant to only ever be temporary. It has purpose — to be sure — but it’s supposed to be short lived. Then, once the new systems are truly engrained, you flow with ease. You don’t live by some rigid schedule or plan, but rather allow life to pull you here and there, and just kind of always recenter in your middle ground. We need flexibility for longevity. Nothing can last if it cannot adapt. Things that are rigid, break. Things that are malleable, bend. The point of systems is to allow you the strong foundation that you always come back to, while giving you the flexibility to be a human being living a life. 

Don’t lose sight, everything we do is for a better life. That’s always our motivation. We don’t do all that we do just because we “should” do it, we do it because it’s supposed to make our lives better. If something that used to help you is now limiting you, it looks like it’s time to let go. The feeling of fear that once you let go of that rigidity, you will somehow mold back into the past and all your work will be undone is not foolish, but it lacks perspective. Realize this: if it’s limiting you, it’s not because the thing is bad, but because you’ve outgrown it. Sometimes we develop so much and yet are so close to ourselves that we lack perspective and can’t see the full picture. We can’t see that we are now bigger than the hand that pulled us up, and that we don’t need it anymore. We can’t see that holding onto that hand is no longer helping us, but tiring us out — and holding us in place. 

Realize that you don’t need that thing anymore, remove the rigidity, and make it natural. Active systems are useful, but not sustainable. Bring it to the point of passivity. Make it the most natural part of your being. Flow with life. The water in a stream may flow over many different pathways, but the overall current is unchanging — that’s what your systems are meant to be. They are meant to be fluid enough to go over whatever rock or around whatever thing is in its way, but always flow into its forward current. 

The systems you built are not supposed to be your God. You don’t do the systems to do the systems, you do the systems to get an effect. The ultimate point of those systems is to make your life better. If performing those systems begins to hinder your life, then something needs to change. They are meant to be flexible and ever changing as your life adapts to new things and to new moments. 

Those active systems didn’t bring you this far to only bring you this far. They were never the end destination, but the stepping stone to move you to those things being fully engrained. You were always meant to go all the way, and those active systems were always meant to be transient. 

We only use scaffolding during the construction of a building when the building isn’t yet strong enough to stand on its own and hold everything necessary. The builders need something secure to stand on as they develop the structure — but the scaffolding was always meant to be temporary. At some point, the structure and foundation of the building is strong and stable enough, and it doesn’t need the scaffolding anymore. At this point, the people building it up can stand on the structure they’ve built because it’s safe. Notice when it’s time to utilize the scaffolding to build yourself up and when it’s time to take it down because the structure you’ve built is strong enough to stand on its own.