By Dina Aldabbagh

To be so good that you are beyond reproach. Of course, I’m being somewhat facetious. No human being can actually be above reproach because we are human beings at the end of the day. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, correctness so is too. No human being can be “above reproach” for everybody out there, but there are certainly ways to put yourself close to that line. 

For our purposes, to beyond reproach means something a little different. It essentially means for someone to have so much integrity and honesty in every single thing they do that even someone’s worst criticism of them would fall upon deaf ears. It is to be someone who shows up in the world just plain old good.

Integrity is freedom. Yes, it’s also responsibility, because you have to show up and keep doing the work — you have to keep having a positive attitude behind everything you do, you have to keep your complaints nonexistent — but if you were able to do these things, then you have a freedom that many people never become familiar with in this lifetime. It is the freedom one receives when they are trusted.

To put it bluntly, when people trust someone they feel like they can take the watchful eye off. However, when someone feels as though they cannot trust someone, that watchful eye is no longer just an eye, but now it’s a hand controlling you. So yes, to live within integrity does require the handling of a lot of responsibility, and the handling of it well. However, it also takes the eyes off. And more importantly, the hands off. With integrity, you have the freedom to do what you want, when you want, how you want — because people trust you.

It may seem like it’s more work to consistently show up in the world well — to say you’ll do something, and then do it, to do things without complaints or the expectation of praise, and to deliver with quality always — however I’d say it’s a far worse experience to have other people constantly control you. When people do not trust you, they suddenly get very stingy with you.

You see, when someone trusts you, they are now generous with you, because they believe in your good faith. Human beings are far too busy to waste time worrying about keeping every single person in line. Thus, it is much easier for someone to release the grips on a person if they can trust them. To have to monitor and manage a person takes a lot of work. This is not to say that people will not do it, but it is to say that if you were someone that can be trusted, they will naturally choose not to do it with you.

It may seem small, but it’s actually huge. It’s a difference between your boss regulating every single minute you spend at work because they don’t trust you that you were doing honest work, and your boss allowing time for you to relax go outside or socialize with your coworkers, because they have faith that you will deliver the work that you need to at the end of the day.

You see, as human beings, we really care about a few things — in particular, those who are in leadership. Those who are in leadership especially care about how easy or difficult someone is to work with. This leadership can be the boss at your firm, the mother or father in your house, or your teacher. This leadership can show up in any number of ways. What these people really care about, every single time — excluding those individuals who may have some personal issues with power complexes — is that you deliver with high-quality and you do it with a positive enough attitude. 

In short: make their life easier. If someone does not deliver, this makes the job of those in leadership harder. Further, if someone does deliver, but they are constantly complaining, constantly requiring validation or praise, and generally just having a negative energy to be around, then they are making other people’s lives harder.

If you want freedom, you have to make people’s lives easier. And you will do this by being someone they trust. And you will do that by being someone with integrity. When you do the right thing, in every situation, then you are not just a person who people can trust, you are a person who is absolutely free. The watchful eyes are off of you, because people don’t believe they need to watch you. Further, people will give to you happily and generously. People will over give to you when they believe that you are someone who can do with it well.

Integrity does something for a person that I have yet to come across in any other quality: it makes a person unequivocally secure. For even if someone were to try to criticize them, the criticism would be more based on that person’s opinion and personal perspective than it would on the facts of what you did or did not do. 

You see, if you know that you are showing up and doing the right thing, then you know that, no matter what comments, or blame, or judgments that come your way, you’ll be able to stand behind yourself. Because you were honest. Because you did the right thing. Because your behavior has a firm ground to stand on. 

It becomes very difficult for someone to defend themselves in a just way when they know that they did something wrong or that they under-delivered. Even if you were to defend yourself, the defense would probably only make your situation worse because you’d be defensive. Perhaps that defense would include yelling, shifting off blame, or deepening tensions. This would then have the effect of being considered a more difficult person to be around — destroying your relationships, and turning people off of you.

We are all human beings, so we cannot be perfect, but if you have integrity behind every single thing you do then even your mistakes — your worst mistakes at that — can be easily forgiven. People are quick to give grace to those that they believe will not do it again. However, on the other hand, people are very slow to forgive those who they believe will only repeat the pattern.

It all really just comes down to your patterns. To be above reproach does not mean zero mistakes, but rather that your pattern is constantly in the net positive. Because once your pattern goes into the net negative, you are suddenly making other people’s lives harder — which has the unfortunate boomerang consequence of making your life harder as well.

To put it simply: people like people who make their lives easier. People gravitate towards those who consistently produce good results, with a smile on their face, with no complaints to be heard. This is the truth of the world. People are far too surrounded by negativity or even just normal human stress to not gravitate towards those who make their lives easier.

As such, you do not just do a favor to other people by being someone who consistently produces goodness, you do the biggest favor to yourself. You give yourself freedom, you make yourself blameless, and so you protect yourself from this world. To have integrity is the biggest coat of armor one person can have. It is also something that cannot be falsely earned. If you are not delivering, you will not have the integrity that you need to live the easy life. 

However, if you are willing to just show up and do the work that you have to do anyways, with a smile on your face, then you will grant yourself the actual easiest life that you could possibly have.

Because you do have to do the work anyways. As human beings, we cannot avoid it. If you are in this world, taking from someone, you must also give to someone. There’s no free ticket; you must earn your stay. And this may sound a little jaded, but it’s really just reality. As a human being if you want something from the world, you have to be willing to give it as well. And as a human being, not a single one of us can avoid work. Tell me, could you live your life without a job? If not, then why not make your life a little bit easier and just show up and do the work that you have to do anyways in the best way that you can?

The Bible says to do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you can become blameless and pure — I think that is real wisdom. To be so good that you are beyond reproach — this is a shield of armor. Marcus Aurelius, the stoic philosopher, concurs with this wisdom. His philosophy is that you should live so impeccably that you leave no room for legitimate blame.

Legitimate blame. While people may blame you, they will have no foundation to stand on; it will not be justified. This is your shield of armor. Your integrity protects you.