By Dina Aldabbagh

You get to a point where you no longer have to do everything. Where you no longer have to accept every invitation. Where you no longer have to go to every event. where you no longer have to be a part of every conversation. Where you no longer have to keep grinding, pursuing, attaining. 

If you’re used to always wanting something, you may think that there’s something wrong with you when you no longer want things. Instead, that might just mean that you already have enough. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, because it started to feel so normal. Life is just life, and we have an incredible way of integrating things that were once marvelous into our considered norm. However, I think you know when you’ve gotten to a sort of dream life of yours when you no longer find yourself constantly wanting something else.

I think you notice this in the very small moments. Where you used to feel like you had to push forward, you notice that you’re non-urgent. Where you used to feel like you had to include yourself, you keep doing your thing. Where you used to feel like you had to hedge your bets and invest yourself in numerous things so that hopefully one works out, you feel okay with the thing you have now and don’t feel the need to pursue something else.

I think that is the whole point. It’s the point in life where you’re finally in that life. What’s more is that the fact that you no longer want the grind is the sign that you finally feel safe in it. Because as long as you don’t feel like whatever you have is secure, you will continuously keep working, no matter how much you have. When you finally feel like what you’ve done for today is enough, and that you don’t have to give any more of yourself at this moment, that means you finally trust your life.

That doesn’t mean that you are necessarily naive, and don’t see that things can change. Rather, I think it just means that you trust everything will be okay regardless. Maybe you can finally admit to yourself now that you have arrived. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, even if you still want things — this is the intersection of enough satisfaction and enough security to relax that fire in you that tells you that you always need to do more. 

This may be a hard moment to recognize yourself in, though, because the novelty of achievement only lasts so long. Then, another question is posed: “How long will it stay?”  

When you come into things that you’ve been wanting for a while, a different sort of pain gets introduced. Before, you experienced the pain of yearning, or the pain of exhaustion as you strived for that thing. You may have especially experienced the pain of despair.

When you’re at that threshold of coming into your life, though, and now you no longer have the stress of “what if,” the nervous system creates a new type of experience for the energy to go towards. This is the part to be conscious about so you don’t confuse the moment. You see, when you’ve strived for long enough, then when you do end up getting what you want, you may just be afraid of losing every good thing.

Before, you were afraid that you wouldn’t get the good thing, but once you get the good thing, you have the fear of losing it. What a catch-22 that is. What a trick your nervous system plays. But this is just a moment of the threshold.

In this moment, you convince yourself that every good thing you get could be lost in A, B, or C way, and that you have to be vigilant now not to lose it. It makes sense to feel this way if you wanted something for so long because you see this thing, whatever it is, as precious and sacred, and you know the pain without it. So then, instead of just being happy that you have it now, you’re so afraid that you will lose it.

Thus, you don’t relax. You’re hypervigilant, you’re afraid, you’re still pursuing, even though you already have what you want. You’re hedging your bets — looking at other options just to make sure if this thing somehow gets ruined, you have a back up plan so you are not hurt. This whole time, though, you feel no peace.

I think this is an important moment for us to learn through, and regulate through, because the whole point of getting the things that make you joyful in this lifetime is so that you can be joyful, and at peace. If getting the thing you’ve always wanted is only going to make you more stressed, then what is it good for? And how long can you handle that stress for?

These moments start to come at the same time: the moment in which you start feeling less of a drive and urgency to do things because you feel like you already have enough, and the fear that if you don’t keep pushing forward, you’ll somehow lose what you already have. That is so not the life. Remember, we go after the desires of our heart so that we can live in them.

We work for money, so that we can feel the security of having enough. We pursue the relationship so that we can feel held. We get the 9 to 5 so that we can feel stability. So how torturous is it that even when you get the money, you’re constantly stressed about making more, even when you get the partner you’re constantly stressed about what you have to do to keep them, and even when you get the job, you’re constantly stressed about networking and keeping your resume current and having backup plans.

That totally defeats the purpose of getting the thing. And maybe there’s no other way to go through it than to just allow yourself to see that you’re safe. Allow yourself the time without the grind when you already feel satisfied, and let yourself see what happens. And then, let yourself know that if things change eventually against your will, you have everything in you to go out and get it again. But for the time being, you are satisfied because what you have is enough — let it be enough.

For how much longer will you raise the bar on what will give you peace? First, it’s proof. Then it’s certainty. Then it’s confirmation. Then it’s perfect consistency. Then it’s time. Then the requirement for feeling peace is always out of grasp — and you never stop reaching. 

This moment is a blessing. There was a time you were worried about whether you would have that thing or not, and now you have it. Don’t let the time of you having it be tarnished by being afraid that you’ll lose it. Don’t spend all the time having it asking yourself if you “really” have it. 

There is no level of certainty you get that can confirm that things will never change. They will change. However, the things that really matter to your life’s story will grow their roots without your force. The thing for you will not need manipulation, strategy, or control. In fact, it couldn’t be kept with all your force anyways. Things and people stay in your life because they want to stay. There is a mutuality. 

So go forward today without the worry. Don’t question every blessing you’re living right now. Instead, trust that if it is meant to stay, it will stay entirely of its own volition. The things meant to grow roots in your life will do so because they choose to be here. You can gain heaven but feel like you’re in hell the whole time just because of the stress, fear, and worry that you will lose the good things. Do not be anxious about anything.