By Dina Aldabbagh

There’s always something to worry about. When something gets resolved — that thing you were so stressed about — another thing pops up. Then another. Then another. One question gets resolved, but its resolution only clarifies the existence of another question. There is always another question. With the nature of life being what it is, you will never have a lack of uncertainty.

Because we can’t see the full picture at once, and instead are tasked with going through an experience to understand how it progresses, and therefore, ends, our minds fill with uncertainty. They ask another thing. And another thing. And another. There is always a question left to be answered. There is always something that could be a little clearer. But will we wait until we know everything to let ourselves enjoy today? Further, will we wait until we know everything to let ourselves make a decision?

It’s so easy to let certainty be your permission slip. You let it tell you, “Okay, now you can be excited,” or “Now you’re secure enough to make a decision based on this information.” We want a level of security to feel peace that the human life can’t really offer. Instead, we must trust. We must allow ourselves to go forward with conviction despite not knowing the future.

Because what’s the alternative? Is it to go through life constantly anxious and afraid? And I do mean constantly — because there is always another question mark left on the situation. “How will they feel about this?” “What if they don’t want this?” “What if they think I’m being too X, Y, or Z?” “What if they’re not willing?” “What if they don’t choose me?” There are so many variables we don’t know. And we infect ourselves over and over again by honing in on one until we solve it, because once that one has been resolved, we find the other unknowns that haven’t yet been answered.

Haven’t you noticed? Haven’t you yet realized? As soon as you resolve one thing, another question pops up. This is the trap of letting your peace be determined by certainty — you’re always looking for what else is uncertain. You’re paying attention to it. You tell yourself that you will feel better once this thing becomes clear, but you never do feel better. The anxiety continues — it just transforms into another shape. Thing after thing gets resolved, but your mind finds the other question left. One after another, it contemplates the uncertainties.

This is no way to live life. You can be constantly blessed, and yet feel like you’re living in incessant instability, just because you’re always looking at the downside of the blessing. What’s the downside of a good thing? That you might lose it. And the problem is that there are about a million ways to lose a good thing.

Someone might change their mind. They might get scared. They might prefer something else. The job suddenly had a change in finances, they can’t keep you on anymore. The flight charges surged, you can’t take the trip you hoped for. Your friend couldn’t find the time to visit you. Etc. etc. etc.

Yes, these are all things that could happen. But anything could happen, at any time. You don’t have as much control over it as you hope anyways. And so all the time that you spend seeking certainty so that you know that one of the million things that could happen isn’t going to happen, all you do is move onto the second thing. The balance remains 999,999. Certainty won’t save you from something that’s going to happen anyways. Fate is fate, and so much is out of our control.

The point is not to despair at the lack of control you have over the world, but rather let that fact set you free. What’s going to happen will happen, whether you’ve tried to seek certainty or not. Instead, you could just let yourself enjoy the moment you’re in. When something changes, you won’t miss it. But you don’t have to spend all your time searching for what could go wrong. You don’t have to find every right question to make sure you don’t get hurt.

When something matters to us, we’re already invested. To be emotionally invested of course lends itself to the possibility of getting hurt. Whether it’s a job, a person, a class, or a place, we’re in relationship with that thing. And the thing about relationships — it’s a process of discovery. You don’t get to know everything right away. You don’t get to know whether you get the VISA to stay another year in your favorite country. Or if that person wants what you want in 10 years. Or if that job will keep you on as long as you hope to be kept on. Or if your class project will get an A. All you know is what you’ve already experienced with that thing. It’s a process of gaining experience.

Surely, eventually, you become secure. You get to that point in the semester that you know the A is in the bag. You get to the point in the relationship that you know you’ll get married one day. You got preapproved for the documents you needed. You got confirmation from someone. But you don’t get to have that right away. And the key is that that doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It may just mean that it’s still too new to know. Eventually you’ll know, but not right now.

Just don’t let another question mean that something’s wrong. Something being unclear isn’t the same as it being dangerous to you. It’s not a threat just because you don’t know yet. In fact, in every single part of your life from here on out — just like it has always been — there will be things that haven’t yet been revealed to you. You will have to come to know them with time.

We obviously feel vulnerable when we care about something, but not having an answer yet doesn’t mean it’s in the process of being lost. That’s what I want to get across. Uncertainty is not loss waiting to happen. Sometimes things may not work out, that’s true. But don’t believe that every time there’s something undefined, undecided, or unclear that you are about to lose it. You may just be in a very normal relationship with it.

There’s always something else for your mind to question. How about you let life reveal it to you? How about you let yourself be here today, and enjoy what today is to you? You will never find peace by getting enough certainty, it will only come through accepting that there will just be things that you don’t know yet, but that you don’t have to know yet.

Today is enough for you to be happy. He is not rich who has enough, but who doesn’t seek more. Once you stop seeking that certainty as a contingency to your peace, you will see what happiness really is.