By Dina Aldabbagh

The better you think of other people, the better life you will live. It is not really a favor to them, but rather to yourself. For we treat people the way that we think about them. Our perspective on others directs our behavior towards them. And while there is, of course, free will, human beings really tend to respond in kind to the tone that is set within the relationship.

If you have the opinion of somebody that they are stupid, even if you’ve never said it to them or to anybody else, the essence of that perspective on them will seep through your actions. It will come through in the way you treat them. Even if ever just so subtly, that person will feel “They think I’m stupid.“ 

In turn, as many people unconsciously react to life, with you, they may act stupid. Not because they are, but because you may make them doubt their intelligence. Or, because when they’re around you, they fear that any slight mistake will be judged as a lack of intelligence — therefore making them nervous, and actually more likely to make a mistake. Their fear that you’re judging them may be what is at the forefront of their mind when they interact with you, thus pulling them out of presence, and inducing more errors. 

Thus, the vicious cycle continues. Your belief of them is validated over and over again, and they continuously find themselves fitting into the mold that you created for them. To not act in the way that people expect us to act actually takes a lot of conviction. It takes a lot of conscious effort, and thoughtfulness.

It is much easier, and normal, to simply respond accordingly to the expectations that the other person already has for us. For example, if someone thinks very highly of you, and expects great results, as a human being, you will feel almost obliged to be that best version of yourself with them. It’s nature.

Therefore, perhaps we would actually do ourselves a much greater favor if we stopped trying to define other people’s edges. If we stop trying to label them. If we allowed moments to be informative rather than an indictment on who they are.

Once you label someone as bad, it is much more likely that that is what they will become. However, if you believe other people are good, kind, and want to care for you, you will treat them well. If you treat someone like family, then that is what they become. Of course, if they have the capacity to do so. But if you already go into a situation being cold to someone else, then family they will never become.

It’s funny, there’s a sort of phenomenon I’ve noticed amongst human beings. When there’s someone who is quiet, doesn’t come up to people to say hello, doesn’t go out of their way to talk to anybody, people often label them as someone who thinks they’re too good for others. Well, contrastingly, I actually find that most of these people are not quiet because they don’t believe you are worth their words, but they are timid because they don’t know if they are worth your time. 

Of course, there are varying levels of this. Everyone’s self-worth will fall on a different spot in the spectrum. However, notice the cycle that occurs when you assume that this kind of person thinks they’re too good for you. You also ignore them, but very much so on purpose. This, then, has the effect of only driving them further away from you. Because who would go up to someone who does not make any effort to talk to them?

Obviously you can say that same argument about that other person, but this is where it’s important to accept responsibility for your own life. If you want to have positive relationships, then you have a responsibility to be a person who makes positive relationships possible. To be sure, you can never do it all on your own. If the other person is unwilling to meet you partially, then a relationship will not be had. But instead of being so quick to point the finger at everyone else and why they are not supplying you with the type of life or relationship that you would like, I urge you to look inwardly at yourself.

For who is there to change but self? We cannot change other people. You can never force someone to do something. All you can ever do is control the way that you behave, think, and perceive things. You get to control your own attitude, the effort that you make to include other people, and the warmth that you bring to others.

Our thoughts have very much to do with this. This is why I say that it is so important to think positively about other people. Actually, to think the best possible of them — to see the best in every single person, because if you personally want the best from them, you are going to have to see the best in them.

The box you put people in is where they will stay. Be careful what label you’re putting on that box.