By Dina Aldabbagh

No one will know how much studying you’ve done, but it’ll show. 

No one will know how much effort you put in, but the results make it obvious. While no one may be in the room with you while you’re training, studying, exerting yourself…everyone will see the fruits of that labor. It is said that what is done in the dark cannot be long hidden. Whatever you do in private does show. Even if not right away, even if not obviously, even if not acknowledged by others — it shows. Eventually, what you are always shows.

I think as human beings there are a few things that are happening when we’re working towards something. Firstly, we subconsciously believe the implication that “working towards something” means that it is something that is not already “complete.” Not that it’s not there, it’s just not fluent. You may have all the potential for it, and be very capable of becoming that thing, you’re just not quite fluent in being that thing yet.

Therefore, there are a couple threats to our ego when we’re in the pursuit of something. For one, there is a fear that we may never become that thing. For another, there is a fear that the world will not acknowledge us in our becoming. That, no matter how much we change, the world will only affirm a past version of ourselves. In the pursuit of something that you’ve not yet had before, there’s typically going to be doubt. At least, moments of it. This is natural, of course, because what is driving you is not the evidence of what you want already being in your life, but rather the conviction that it could be.

Thus, in the pursuit of whatever thing we want to be, we look for those moments of confirmation that help us derive some sense of certainty that we are becoming. We look for validation from the world to confirm, “This is happening, indeed.“ We’re just seeking safety.

Unfortunately, the world rarely delivers the certainty you want when you need it most — which is honestly the best thing for you. It’s in those moments where there’s no certainty outside of you, and only the certainty inside of you, that you learn to not seek your sense of safety from the world. It’s in those moments that you learn how to commit to something without immediate results and validation being mirrored back to you. Without the applause, without the thumbs up, and the back pats. 

This moment is actually so important in your becoming because it’s where you learn to be self-dependent. It’s at this point where ego turns into self-esteem. It’s the moment in which you’re not living based on the high of pride, but rather a deeper sense of fulfillment. What’s feeding you, at this point, is the work you’re putting into the process, not what you’re extracting from the results.

In those moments that the world does not reflect back to you the identity that you are trying so hard to become, all you have to do is remind yourself that one day that identity will be undeniable. You don’t need their applause. You don’t need them to notice you. To notice how much work you’re doing. To notice how much growth you’ve had. The truth of the matter is that they probably will not notice your growth until it is so painstakingly obvious. Not because they’re bad or don’t care, just because they’re not worried about you — they’re worried about themselves.

People are never looking at you quite as much as you think. People rarely notice the 5 pound loss. They do notice the 15 pound loss, though. people don’t notice when you’re using a new phrase in the language you’ve been studying, but rather they notice when you speak for ten minutes straight fluently, with confidence. People won’t applaud you every single time you work late, but they will congratulate you when your results speak for themselves.

And the truth? You don’t need them to notice you. That’s never going to be the fulfillment that is equal to the actual fulfillment of just becoming the thing that you desire to be. No level of encouragement from someone else will ever match that sense of inner goodness when you finally see yourself for all that you’ve done.

Because that’s really what it is, isn’t it? In that pursuit of becoming something else, you’re really not looking for other people to notice your growth, you just want to notice your own growth. In other words, you want to see your growth. Because you want to grow. Believe me, you’re not looking for validation as much as you think you are. You are looking for a level of certainty in identity that no compliment or insult can ever shake. You are looking to be that thing so undeniably that it never matters what anyone ever says about it.

To be undeniable. That’s what you want. I promise that by the time you become that thing and are socially secure in that identity, you’ll never care about what anyone else says. Of course, compliments are always nice to hear, but they won’t really touch you. Because regardless of what anyone does or does not say, does or does not notice, does or does not applaud, who you are is undeniable — because the results speak for themselves.

When an apple tree grows apples in its season, it doesn’t need people to come over and say, “You are very good at being an apple tree.” No. It doesn’t need anybody to say that, because there are apples. The apples are clear as day, and the apple tree knows that it is what it is meant to be. It does what it is meant to do: produce apples.

Similar to that apple tree, when you become that person that you so desire — whether that be successful in career, a good partner, funny, confident in the way you speak, fit, or any other quality — there will be no part of you that genuinely needs someone else to confirm that. 

Someone who’s in great shape can enjoy hearing from other people that they look fit, but they feel peace that those other people are not telling them anything that they do not know themselves. They know their body speaks for itself. A millionaire-entrepreneur may enjoy when people come around and congratulate him on his success, but he doesn’t need them to say anything for him to have his mansion to go home to at night. He already possesses the keys to the house. 

He knows the house speaks for itself. The fit person knows the body speaks for itself. The valedictorian knows the straight As speak for themselves. None of these people need to hear that they are successful, healthy, or smart. They may like feeling supported, but they don’t need to hear it to know that it is true. 

They know. because they can’t not. They’re undeniable.

Anytime you’re in the pursuit of something else, you may think you are looking for other people to notice it, but what you’re really looking for is to just be that thing so fully that people can’t help but not notice it. That’s the key. Because it’s really not about whether they notice or not, it’s about you being someone who is so clearly something that others cannot help but see it.

So when you’re going to the gym tonight at 10 PM, when you’re studying your Anki cards, when you’re listening to that podcast, when you’re taking that meeting, when you’re going to the networking events, remember that you don’t need anyone to congratulate you for doing that thing. Remember, doing the thing is for you, not for them.

When you do the devoted thing, you’re not doing it for anyone else, you’re doing it for yourself. Every moment that you invest into you is only for you. Congratulate yourself. See yourself. Notice your own growth. You are the one who it is all for. And yes, one day, soon enough…you’ll be undeniable. So undeniable, in fact, that even your worst doubt won’t be able to convince you to deny yourself. And isn’t that what you’re really looking for?

You’re not looking for that specific person to support you. You’re not looking for anyone’s acceptance in particular. You are looking to see yourself, and not doubt yourself. You are looking for conviction about who you are. Don’t get confused that you’re doing it for them. It’s all for you.

Every quiet moment you have with yourself, doing the work without any applause, is for you to know who you are. You don’t need them to tell you “good job,” you just need to end the day and know that you did well. 

And one day… the fruits will grow. Never doubt just because you’re in the process. Never doubt just because for the moment, you are not seeing. One day, you’ll be undeniable.

And that undeniability will be just for you.